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Owning the work

Being responsible for our triggers, tumescence, resistance, and resentments

Being responsible for our own thoughts and feelings, and therefore how we experience the circumstances of our lives, is one of the foundation tenets of our OM practice.

Being in the driver’s seat of our own experience starts as soon as we say ‘yes’ to an OM. We agree in that moment, that we intend to get into the nest because we want to, not because we are being forced or coerced or want to give or get something from our partner.

OM and Personal Power

Approaching our practice from this perspective can have a wide-ranging effect on our lives. By bringing consciousness to the way we make our choices, we are given the opportunity to connect to our own values, boundaries, and desires every time we say ‘yes’ to an experience.

We may discover a new sense of agency in the realisation that we are not at the effect of others in the way we once thought. Even in those situations in which we have little or no control, we still get to choose how we respond in alignment with our desires and values.

As our understanding of what it means to be responsible for our experience expands, we discover that maintaining volition over our lives also means staying responsible when triggered, feeling tumesced, stymied by resistance, and overwhelmed by resentment.

Triggers and Resentment

When it comes to our triggers, OM teaches us that when we feel shame, fear, doubt, and jealousy, after someone says or does something, there is an alternative to blame.

Our practice teaches us that we can sit with the sensations associated with our emotions, and cultivate a language for naming them. Just like in an OM, we find out that we don’t have to do anything, just let the feelings flow. Naming what’s there, helps facilitate this release and flow. In this way, we can convert our feelings into fuel for our journey of development.

If we don’t let the energy flow when we are triggered, it quickly turns into resentment, however and blocks our access to orgasm. For this reason, as practitioners, we often commit to a daily practice of acknowledging our everyday resentments and the fears that lie beneath. This can ensure our resentments don’t build up inside and that our systems stay clear. Our ability to experience pleasure depends on it!


The degree of tumescence to which we are prone, is in fact, a direct indicator of our ability to experience pleasure!

If our receptive capacity is limited, we are unable to really take in the sweetness in our lives.

Our lack of receptivity does not stop the unpotentiated energy from building up inside of our bodies though and from expressing itself as the free-floating anxiety or restlessness we call tumescence.

Although there is often a strong impulse to seek outlets for the uncomfortable sensations that arise with tumescence, knowing that what we are feeling is a build up of energy in our mind and bodies, as a result of not fully tapping our desires, gives us a choice. We can surrender to tumescence at the level of sensation, and turn it into a resource for expanding our range and reaching for more of what we want.


Unsurprisingly as practitioners, we can often feel resistance to everything from taking responsibility to actually using all the tools we learn for working with our thoughts and feelings! Resistance, it turns out however, is simply part of the game of living a desire-based life!

Far from an indication that something or someone is forcing us to do something we don’t want to do, our resistance is an invitation to meet ourselves with curiosity and humour. When we befriend our resistance as a companion on the path to fulfilment, we realise it points the way to our deepest desires and shows us how to turn our journey into play!

Reading from the Wednesday 10th June, 2020 International iOM Meeting

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