Updated: Mar 8, 2020
It isn’t uncommon for people who come across Orgasmic Meditation® to question why the focus of the practice appears to be confined to the female genitals. Both men and women ask, with women often more vocal - “Is there a version of the practice for men?” or “What’s in it for the man then?
With the awareness that becoming an OM practitioner is a slow process of reconditioning (everything from one’s understanding of Self, desire, relationship, power and purpose), any OM trainer will patiently attempt to initially explain this in as basic a way as possible - knowing that a comprehensive answer is far from basic and promises to explain the mysteries of male/female relationships and the keys to relationship success!
OM can be described as a feminine practice. Feminine is not the same as female, however, and it would be a mistake especially when it comes to OM to confuse the two. Both men and women have masculine and feminine parts of themselves and it is the working connection between those parts that has an individual experience a sense of wholeness and fulfilment.
The “feminine” is about feeling, nuance, creativity, flow, and desire, while the “masculine” is about doing, production, taking action, and can be regarded as bringing structure to acts of creation. The relationship between the masculine and the feminine parts is that the feminine is the creative force, the power centre for masculine action. The feminine without the masculine is pure under-utilised power and the masculine without the feminine is action without purpose or direction.
Orgasmic Meditation offers an experiential metaphor for men and women to learn how to put the feminine and masculine parts of themselves in communication with each other and how to maintain that connection. Many people coming to the practice have conflated masculine with men and feminine with female and as a result, not only have limited their own individual expression, but are unconsciously seeking wholeness and fulfilment in the other!
There isn’t a spiritual model in the world that doesn’t have a metaphor for the “mysterious game” of masculine and feminine. From Adam and Eve to Shakti and Shiva, all the world’s great myths attempt to explain the paradox of feeling split while in fact being perfectly whole, and the importance of connection with the other to eventually having the experience of that individual integrity.
OM and the Feminine
Part of the depth of an OM practice comes from holding the tension between using male and female dynamics as a way to understand the masculine and feminine and remembering that at the same time, they are not the same thing. In reality, male/masculine and female/feminine are not synonyms for each other, but a way to get into relationship with global, nuanced concepts that govern us of us as individuals.
In OM, for 15 minutes, two partners, often a man and a woman, sometimes two women, both keep their focus on the clitoris, as one strokes the other. The attention is actually on the point of the connection between the two people - where the finger meets the clitoris, than it is, on the clitoris itself.
There is no goal to the practice, especially in physical terms. Both partners are encouraged
to slow down and feel. The practice isn’t unlike traditional meditation in this way, it is only the focus that it is different - instead of a candle or the breath, it is on a part of the female genitals.
In OM, Orgasm becomes a signifier of the Feminine principle and it is to this, that both practitioners are surrendering. A male practitioner isn’t surrendering to a woman or a female practitioner opening up to a man, both are learning reverence for the world of feeling, for the subtle whispering of desire in even the softest touch. For both men and women, OM is about learning to reconnect to primal feeling, to innate intuition, and how to trust and live from connection to that place.
A World Redefined by the Feminine
Join us on Women Day 2020, Sunday 8th March at 9pm GMT for Orgasmic Meditation: A World Redefined by the Feminine, a virtual panel on what it means to connect to the Feminine and how doing so not only increases your experience of fulfiment and purpose, but also contributes something essential to the wider world around you!
Come listen to 5 women leaders who have worked in the field of ‘Orgasm’ talk about what brought them to OM, what it meant for them to connect to the feminine and the difference this has made to the relationship with themselves, their partners, families, work, and sense of purpose.
Marga Berlinski, is a certified OM Coach & Trainer and the city lead for TurnOn the Netherlands, who now works with women and men “who desire more connection, intimacy, and a satisfying sex life,” but explains that before OM, she “did not feel connected” to either her body or the feminine aspects of herself.
“I was in my head,” says Marga, “wondering why I could not enjoy intimacy and not feeling as great or as sexy as a woman could feel.”
Marga says that OM helped her reclaim that part of herself, and that she gained a “lot of self worth, confidence and freedom” in the process! “I am now proud to make this available for other women as well,” says Marga, “Having healed in these areas myself I coach from a place of experience, recognition and compassion. I am able to bring clarity, playfulness, and approval to every conversation.”
Founder of IOMS and the Birthing Business movement (Led by the Feminine. Supported by the Masculine), Denise Harris first encountered OM 5 years ago and she describe her relationship to the Feminine at that time as “one of typical conditioned deprivation, silence, and manipulating “her”to comply with patriarchal expectations.”
Denise says that when she came to OM she had been making “her feminine” wrong, “ignoring her, judging her as not enough, and trying to twist her into something [she] could hook men with … or at least get liked enough to not be alone or left behind.”
“What I learned,” says Denise, “appeared to turn my whole world upside down - but I knew I was actually turning it right-side up.”
“I now have an unwavering faith and trust in the Feminine,” continues Denise, “”she” has led me to the deepest healing and Union with my own inner masculine - and this reflects in all my external relationships, money and business. Today, I’m deeply devoted to Feminine leadership and the rightness of Desire in every aspect of my life.”
Denise is manifesting an intentional co-living/co-working retreat sanctuary in Bali this year that she says is “through, by and for the Feminine” and is hosting its first retreat on Feminine-led business in June.
Vancouver-based business executive and mother of two teenagers, Stacey Foley, has been OMing for the past 7 years and says that the practice had nothing short of a “profound impact on her relationship to the feminine.”
“The biggest change I have noticed,” she says, “is an increased capacity for dealing with the unknown and unexpected.” “OM has really helped me,” she continues, “to feel confident and powerful, as well as find approval for and let out more, my sensual side.”
“When I watched Nicole Daedone’s TED Talk and Nicole spoke about how the Western woman is tried and wired, I felt like I was remembering something I had long forgotten,” says Becky Palmer. A trained pharmacist, Becky says she was familiar with the science of OM and found a practice that could increase oxytocin “super interesting.”
“I had front-line knowledge of the failings of Western medicine,” she explains, “I mean drugs can be useful, but they can also have some really harmful side-effects. Our medical culture uses them as quick fixes for symptoms rather than getting to the root of the problem - which is usually trauma and stress that have caused us to disconnect from our bodies, ourselves and others!”
Founder and chief visionary officer of Brilliance Health Coaching, Becky has moved away from practicing pharmacy and is now a health & relationship coach who is completing graduate studies in counselling psychology. “OM is an integral part of what I teach and coach,” says Becky, “and I have also been hosting introductory events to OM In Saskatoon for the last 3 years for anyone interested in finding out more about the practice.”
Panel moderator, Aneka Theolade, is one of the city leads for the London OM community and is a certified OM coach and trainer. “When a friend told me about OM 3 years ago I burst out laughing. I couldn’t believe that something like it existed! "Nothing has surprised me more to have become someone who promotes OM in the world and who is dedicated to a life infused with Orgasm,” says Aneka who is organising the second International OM Community Retreat in London in June 2020.
“The practice appears deceptively simple,” says Aneka, “but it completely transformed my life. It is so humbling.” “I wouldn’t have even known that greater fulfilment was available for me as a woman without OM. In so many ways, I had achieved the promise of my sex - been married, had kids, enjoyed being a writer, but like many I have met in OM, I was completely disconnected from my body and any understanding of what it means to be connected to the feminine principle. Turns out in fact that I was way more driven by the masculine and had no idea who I was outside of doing, doing, doing, especially for others. OM has given me my life. I am now in an ongoing discovery of my sex, my purpose, my capacity for love and creativity. There isn’t a dull day and more than anything, it feels like my life belongs to me.”