Updated: Jan 3, 2019
A conscious partnership is any relationship in which the focus is on the emotional and spiritual development of those involved.
A move away from the old model in which individuals sought friends and lovers to experience a sense of completion and to avoid feelings of loneliness and emptiness, conscious relationships challenge each person to find wholeness in themselves - to discover who they really are and what they really want, to take responsibility for their triggers and in the process heal the parts of themselves that are frozen in fear and unloved.
An evolution in relating
Some believe that conscious partnerships, also colloquially known as “woke relationships” are the inevitable next stage in the connection between life partners and friends.
As we evolve as human beings into a deeper awareness of body-based intuition and learn to rely on it to make choices, we now have access to more information about ourselves and others, than we have ever done before.
For many of us, there is greater awareness that old paradigm relationships based on obligation, expectation, and the avoidance of conflict and discomfort, require us to compromise who we are and what we really want. While these kinds of relationships are no longer satisfying, however, being honest and taking responsibility remain choices.
We may not choose to rock
the boat in relationship but especially for those practicing body-based modalities like OM, that put practitioners in touch with their true thoughts and feelings, choosing against honesty and authenticity has a very real impact on a sense of wellbeing, satisfaction, and joy.
Victim vs Creator
One of the fundamental shifts required for conscious partnership is one in which we stop relating to ourselves as victims and understand ourselves as the creator of ALL of our experience. It goes without saying that if we treat others as responsible for our happiness and for ensuring that we never feel lonely or afraid, that others are to blame when we feel unhappy, fearful and unsupported!
There are many advantages to being a victim - we never need to do the work to find out who we really are and what we really want (this is painstaking, uncomfortable work), we never actually need to tell others what we really want either (in relationships based on obligation and expectation, the right people should automatically know what we want and be willing to give it to us) so developing open, honest, authentic communication isn’t necessary (also
painstaking, uncomfortable work). But most of all, as victims we never need to face our emotional wounds or admit emotional immaturity. That work is always someone else’s to do.
There is one big disadvantage, however, to being a victim. We never experience the freedom of true choice, of being in possession of our own desire, and in fact, we are confined to live the same experience of being let down and betrayed over and over and over again.
Creating new paradigm relationships
Taking responsibility for our experience of life throws us into the world of creation.
Creators know that the foundation of their thoughts, feelings, and actions is made up of their own choices. They know that even when victimised, like when someone physically hurts them or steals their belongings, how they react and what they will make it mean, remains their choice.
In relationships with others, creators first learn to take responsibility for their painful and uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Instead of reacting with anger and withdrawing when they experience a sense of betrayal, loneliness, or fear in relationship, they express gratitude to their partners for putting the spotlight on their unhealed emotional wounds. They practice staying with the uncomfortable emotions that arise when ‘triggered,’ until eventually, they are able to go inside themselves and confront those usually repressed occasions, often from childhood, in which they felt hurt, abandoned and betrayed.
In conscious partnerships, this process is a supported one, in which each partner’s inherent self-worth is never in question and compassion is critical for releasing shame and healing childhood wounds. Support isn’t comfort, however, and conscious partners continually coach and challenge each other to complete the work of healing.
This is because experiencing wholeness is the only way to truly enjoy the benefits of connection.
When conscious partners really know themselves as creators, the only question they ever ask of each other is “What will we create together?” and that question - unlike “will you love me?” or “will you complete me?” - is pregnant with adventure, fun, fulfilment, purpose, and vibrant aliveness!