Updated: Jul 27, 2019
According to Relate, one of the UK’s most popular relationship counselling services, more than a quarter of relationships in the UK can be defined as sexless.
A “sexless relationship” is one in which committed couples have sexual intercourse 10 times a year or less.
Once considered the domain of people over the age of 60 and primarily caused by female lack of desire, the problem of sexlessness in relationship, however appears to have become epidemic. Men are apparently equally likely to be the “refusers” in a relationship in which physical intimacy is less than optimal for one of the partners and according to recent news headlines, couples in their teens and twenties are included in the stats of those affected.
The spike in numbers, could of course be partly due to greater willingness on the behalf of those who suffer, to talk about the issue, and seek solutions. Experts contend too however, that it is our 21st century lifestyles that are robbing us the intimacy we say we want. By the time we have worked a 10-hour day, been to the gym, and managed to eat and sleep, there is for many, little time to prioritise the connection necessary for an enjoyable sex life.
Before many people get hitched or settle into a long term committed relationship, they imagine that doing so will be the end of loneliness and any kind of sexual deprivation. It remains a pervasive societal belief that romantic relationships are a big part of experiencing fulfilment and this idea can have a big impact on those who find themselves involuntarily celibate both in and out of relationships.
Those who are unable to find a romantic or sexual partner are as likely as those in a intimacy-absent relationship to experience deep-seated feelings of sexual frustration, unworthiness, rejection and hopelessness, and while there isn’t a magic bullet for transforming either problem, there are a number of perspectives and tools that can begin to turn things around.
Join the new London OM Community on Wednesday 31st July at 7:30pm for ‘Sexless in the City,’ an expert panel on sexless relationships and involuntary celibacy.
Are you in a sexless relationship?
* The variety of reasons why physical intimacy can come to an end in a relationship
* How to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about what you need and want
* How to take the pressure of intercourse and enjoy shared pleasure without obligation and expectation
* Ways to release anger, hurt, and resentment and experience new levels of connection with the one you love
Are you single and consider yourself to be involuntarily celibate?
* A fresh perspective on sex and intimacy
* The foundations of having healthy self-esteem under any circumstances
* How to shift anger and resentment and connect to your desire
* What it takes to enjoy nourishing connection with those around you
Sex and Intimacy coach and registered psychologist Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey, who has spent the last 30 years working with couples and individuals to help them create and maintain lasting intimate relationships. Dr Lori has expertise in healing trauma and is what she describes as “kink-knowledgeable.” She hosts the A to Z of Sex radio show on the Health and Wellness channel, part of voiceamerica.com on Thursdays at 7pm BST. Her mission, like that of the London OM Community is “to take sex and conversations about sex from the shadows to the light.”
International Speaker and Spiritual Mentor Luke Scott says he works with his clients to discover what they really want and attract it into their lives. Luke explains that he grew up in a dysfunctional family in which drugs and violence were a normal part of his home, but that he knew that he was destined for greater things. Early on, he developed a fascination for subjects like “business, sales, and psychology,” and spent 6 years of his working life working for FTSE 100 companies, discovering how the most successful companies work. It was after what Luke describes as a “deep awakening experience,” that he went on a “journey to discover who he truly his and what he truly wants.” He now travels the world sharing his knowing “we can have everything in this life that we desire, but first we have to find out who we truly are and what we truly want.”
Sex and Dating expert and co-founder of the Art of Electric Dating Joanne Cooper works with individuals to help them plug into their pleasure potential and discover just how good life can really feel! Sex is an infinite odyssey, explains Jo, that can only truly be experienced when we wake up. It’s about meeting and embracing your shadow side, she says, releasing judgement and conditioning, connecting with desire and communicating only from what feels resonant. Jo is also an expert on 21-st century dating who teaches singles how to develop electric relationships from the moment they meet online to ensure that their virtual conversations convert into real life relationships.
Somatic Sexologist and Certified Somatic Sex Educator Stella Anna Sonnenbaum MPH from ‘Stella with Love,’ trained as a sexologist after a sexless relationship of her own. Originally a licensed pharmacist, Stella first turned to the world of Tantra 15 years ago, seeking help and advice on how to create more intimacy in her relationship. She says that she founded ‘Stella with Love’ in 2014, “with the aim of helping couples and individuals to find more intimacy with each other, and added her certifications in 2015 and 2016 to gain professional expertise in helping clients address and overcome sexual issues.” “I have found my love and vocation,” says Stella who also gives workshops, lectures and presentations about body-based approaches and how people can find more love and pleasure in their lives and relationships.
Love and Relationship coach Vincent Clohessy teaches individuals and couples the tools to help them “cultivate healthy, dynamic, joyful and loving relationships that last, and [how] to avoid suffering unnecessary harm along the way.” Vincent says that he has been deeply interested in the dynamics of love and relationships ever since he fell in love for the first time at age 7! He explains that as a sensitive child growing up in London East End in the environment of his parents’ pub, the frequent violence he witnessed left him curious about what it would take to help people care for each other, to be kinder and more loving. Now as an international coach, Vincent travels across the globe to work with people seeking support for their relationship goals.
Book your tickets today on Eventbrite!
Panel moderator, Aneka Theolade, is a certified OM trainer and coach who works with men and women to overcome shame, connect to desire and build robust self-esteem not just sexually but in every area of life.