One of the fundamental ways in which OM fosters true intimacy and connection is by making asking for what we truly desire a regular practice.
Whether it is asking for an OM, or making requests and offers in the nest, *Orgasmic Meditation makes asking for what we want, part and parcel of what it takes to have a connected shared experience. And once we build this muscle in our OM practice, it becomes easier to take it into the rest of our lives.
Many of us who came to OM describe having little or no positive reinforcement throughout our lives for speaking our desires.
Those of us who are women who OM, may have been taught that our desires are selfish or even dangerous. We may have been shaped through disapproval to be people pleasers, “good women” whose satisfaction comes from serving the needs of others.
On the other hand, those of us who are men who OM, may have been conditioned to believe that we shouldn’t get it wrong, or that real men only want a limited menu of things in life, especially when it comes to sex and sexuality - making speaking our desires a fearful and vulnerable experience.
We know that both sexes have a burden of shame that weighs down our desire and stops us from even knowing what we want, much less asking for it.
Our OM practice however, shows us that no matter how disconnected we might feel from what we want, desire is not only much closer than we think, but also willing to show itself in response to a genuine gentle invitation from us. We also find that reconnecting with our desire can very quickly restore a sense of being youthful and carefree!
In OM, making requests (or adjustments) is one of the primary communication tools of a woman who OMs (the 'strokee'). She learns over time, that she can often get closer to what she wants by asking her partner for one simple thing at a time. She makes her requests accessible and with a tone of approval. Even if she has to ask for the same thing more than once, she asks each time, like it's the first time. She ensures that she acknowledges when her request is met. Although her stroker is obliged to honour her request, the 'strokee' understands that like an offer, her request is actually an invitation to try a new sensation and when she asks from this understanding, her requests feel good and are welcomed by her stroker!
Requests are very vulnerable for both partners and it helps to give and receive them from the perspective that in connection, both people want the same thing.
In an OM, a stroker makes offers, which like requests (or adjustments), are an invitation to change an element of a stroke.
Offers are also made one at a time and because the strokee isn’t obliged to accept the offer, they are asked to elicit an a simple yes-or-no response. Offers are not about feedback on a stroker’s mastery or a way to shift more of the responsibility for the OM onto the strokee by asking her for what she wants. They can be seen as part of a continuum of a stroker’s communication in an OM, which also includes 'safeporting' before doing a stroke that could be experienced as unexpected or unusual and asking for confirmation of a stroke change for which the stroker feels particularly sure.
*Orgasmic Meditation is a trademark of OneTaste Inc. and is used with permission