Love, Sex, & Addiction
Join the new London OM Community on Friday 15th November at 7:30pm for ‘Love, Sex, & Addiction’ - an experiential social and panel on relationships.
On the night, you will have the opportunity to look at your definitions of love, your desires around sex, and how a variety of addictions, can or even have been affecting your intimate partnerships!
Each of the areas of love, sex, and addiction, can have a profound effect on how we relate to each other, impacting how happy, satisfied, and connected we feel with those we are closest to.
Not unlike a speed dating event, at ‘Love, Sex, & Addiction,’ you will be invited to connect with as many men and women as possible for connection and sharing of your experience in these areas, after which you will be invited to share in a wider circle and ask questions of a panel of experts.
Love in relationships has become so complicated that it is almost a taboo topic. Singles speak with muted hope or skepticism and resignation about their ability to find and maintain lasting love; while others, in the early days of new relationships, can be found celebrating the exchange of the words “I love you,” in a testament to the belief that love, has indeed, become a rare gem.
While love may be experienced as being in short supply, few want an intimate relationship without it. Definitions abound as to what love actually is, however, whether for instance, it’s even a noun or verb! The bottom line is though, that most people want in some way the experience of being fully accepted without conditions. Often compared to how a mother feels towards her child, it isn’t complicated to see how a longing for unconditional love, which asks for acceptance without needing to offer anything in return, can cause issues in relationship.
Although it is quite human and therefore normal, to want a measure of security against being rejected and abandoned on a whim by those we care for, it is another thing entirely to want unconditional mutual regard in an adult relationship - at least, without establishing boundaries about what each person needs and wants, and how they would each like to be treated.
It is possible that our experience of being loved can increase one-thousand fold, simply by re-evaluating our definition of love and expanding it, with the recognition that it is both unrealistic and immature to believe that there is no one we need to be and nothing we need to do to have a healthy relationship. Adult relationships are, in fact, conditional - we often want to be respected, listened to, cared for, and understood. Taking the time to connect to our needs, wants, and desires and creating the space for sharing and listening to our partners about the same, can create fertile ground from which love that is both nourishing and generative, can spring.
When it’s good, it’s good and when it’s bad, well it’s often just plain awful. Sex, in relationships, whether committed or casual, is one of things that has a big impact on the quality of our relationships. If we don’t effectively communicate our sexual preferences and desires with our partner(s), we often operate inside of field of assumptions that either eventually leads to conflict or the dissatisfaction of one or both people.
Let’s be honest though, for many of us, all we learned in school about sex was the biological stuff, and being comfortable with and having open conversations about our sexuality can be further complicated by our family, religious or cultural background. Until we hit up against tension in our relationships or a desire for deeper connection, it is far from uncommon not to know the answers to questions like “what helps you relax?” “how do you like to be touched?” and “what turns you on?”
Knowing the answers to these, however, and sharing them without reserve with your partner(s) can enhance intimacy, increase mutual satisfaction and create a positive environment in which your relationship(s) can thrive!
When asked, many people say that they would never date an addict. They understand addiction as mostly being confined to an uncontrollable urge to drink alcohol, take drugs, or have sex. Rarely does the image of a compulsive people pleaser, control freak, or spendthrift, come to mind in conversations about addiction.
However, habitual behaviours like frequent lying, periodic disconnection, being controlling, overspending, under-earning, and people-pleasing - including the inability to establish boundaries or to say ‘no’ - have the power to completely undermine connection in relationships. These are insidious addictions and even when people identify them as personal behaviours, they often stop short of describing themselves as addicts - at least until they try to stop! It isn’t uncommon for people to also discuss some of these behaviours as harmless, unaware of their subtle effects on the trust, sense of safety, and intimacy in their relationships.
When addiction is defined more broadly to include uncontrollable habitual behaviours like lying and stealing, the average relationship, under a microscope, is often the union of two addicts. A disease like codependency, for instance, in which one person in a relationship alters their behaviour to support the unhealthy behaviour of the other, is estimated to affect as many as 90% of people worldwide. Whether your drug of “choice” is pornography (an addiction that has recently gained wider attention), binge-watching TV, compulsive working or exercising - recognising what you do and how it takes away from your ability to connect with those with whom you want to experience deeper intimacy, is almost key to creating satisfying relationships.
Love & Relationship Coach Vincent Clohessy says he is “fascinated by relationships dynamics, [human] psychology, emotions and beliefs and how they play out in relationships.” “I love working with couples,” he explains, “ideally with kids, who are the real clients I serve. Happy families is my thing." As a self-described lifelong student of communication, Vincent will share some nuggets on the evening about how people can communicate their needs, wants and desires in relationship and share a language for talking about the impact they have on each other with their behaviours.
Inner Game Relationship Coach, David Molan says that he loves “bringing out deeper connection and intimacy in people’s lives and partnerships,” as well as, “helping them to transform their frustrations into passion and depth.” Also a masseur and certified OM Life trainer, David will share his own experience of helping others reconnect with their desires through putting attention on the body, and show how everything changes when we become willing to start with what we really want.
Longstanding OM practitioner and one of the holders of the Paris OM community, Tony Lefebvre has been on an ongoing journey of self exploration for more than 5 years. In this time, he says, he has seen his life and his perspectives shift dramatically. An IT engineer from Paris, France, Tony has developed a passion for sharing his journey and inspiring others to embark on theirs, so they too can experience the reward of evaluating and redefining their own understanding of love, sexuality and relationship.
Founder of Housewives Alchemy, Sex, Desire & Self-Esteem coach, Aneka Theolade is the panel moderator and one of the holders of the London OM Community. She has been instrumental in ensuring that the OM community continues to host conversations on sexuality and relationships, not only so people can continue to access the transformational nature of the practice of OM, but also so that conversations about healthy sexuality and how to have satisfying relationships become mainstream.
Get your tickets on Eventbrite - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/love-sex-addiction-tickets-80524373569