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'How to Have Better Sex'

On Saturday 27th April, the London OM Community held a short workshop on ‘How to Have Better Sex.” It was mostly a conversation hosted by me and coach/teacher Wahome Gitonga for people new to OM, making the decision about whether to learn the practice. We knew that one of the first things we would need to make clear was that no one was required to get undressed from the waist down to participate! And we also knew, that for some this would be a relief and others, a disappointment.

When it comes to how to have better sex, it seems that regardless of whether it is met with enthusiasm or resistance, there is a belief that there are some sexual techniques that once learned, will make all the difference.

“I thought I was coming to learn some new sexual positions,” said one attendee, surprised to discover that she has spent a lifetime not sharing what she thinks and feels with those she loves.

In so many ways, this is where OM changes the game. There is a body-based practice to learn, for sure - one in which, all the focus is on learning to feel sensation in your body again and keeping your attention on what it feels like to be connected to another. No pressure to perform or get it right. No need to show up as anything more or less of who you are in the moment. But that’s as far as the formulas go.

Actually allowing the practice to shift the compass of your life is about bringing the newfound attention and ability to feel nurtured in OM to how you take responsibility for creating life experiences in which you feel safe and can let go, how you relate to your desire or what you really want, and how you communicate with others to ask for what you want and to feel connected to them.

OM is an “inside-out” practice, I would say - in which, it matters more what’s going on on the inside, than what’s happening on the outside. “How much do you expect to feel in a relationship in which you haven’t expressed your desires and most of the actions you take are based on obligation and trading?” “Is it possible to feel connected to another when you are mortally afraid to be honest and vulnerable about what you think and feel?” “Really, how can you have mind-blowing sex when you don’t even know what turns you on?” “Would you even know that you were having good sex when you are so trapped in your head that you almost always miss the present moment?”

“I became aware today,” said one female participant, “that I never stop to ask myself what I really want and no one really ever asks me.”

There is no sexual position in the world it turns out that can compensate for being disconnected from your own desire and unable to express it in the world. And this is the place in fact, where better sex begins.

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