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How to find an Orgasmic Meditation partner

Updated: Jan 11, 2019

To me, there was nothing as exciting as starting Orgasmic Meditation. When I first heard about it I was really suspicious. Sounded great - you are intimately caressed for fifteen minutes, then you say goodbye and are free to go. Where was the snake in the grass?

In my world, especially during sex or intimacy, I wanted the other to feel fulfilled. The result was that I constantly wondered during the lovemaking whether I was giving enough. You can imagine that my sex wasn’t mind-blowing!

I was almost never in the mood for sex because it felt like it didn’t work with me. I made jokes about it ('I have other hobbies'), but actually I was pretty cynical and disappointed. Until one day I got to a point in which I had simply had enough. It occurred to me that I was human, not unlike all the other people who surrounded me and were enjoying their sex lives. “If they were having fun with sex,” I wondered, “why couldn’t I?”

Putting my skepticism to one side, I started a conversation with an Orgasmic Meditation coach. After firing all my questions at him (“So I really do not have to give anything back?” “It's all about my own experience!?!) I knew I wanted to give it a chance. “Coach,” I said, “I have made up my mind, I'm going to OM!” “Great!” was his reply, “Your first step is to find a partner.”

I live in the Netherlands where at the time there wasn’t much of an OM community, so finding a partner came down to my personal black book of contacts.

So there I was. Single, hopeful, but with the assignment to make a list of people I trusted and wanted to approach about being my partner in learning Orgasmic Meditation. I couldn’t believe I was supposed to call a bunch of people and talk to them about something like OM! But doing so, taught me one of the foundational aspects of the practice – it’s all about opening up and being vulnerable in the first place. “Come on Marga,” I encouraged myself, “this is about your desire and making you feel good.”

So I made a list and took my cell phone in hand. At first, I stared at the keys of my phone for half an hour before I dared to call the first person on my list. “Just press that f***ing green button!!” Okay, he took my call! After ten minutes of small talk he asked: “But why are you calling?” It was the point of no return.

"Wehell, eh, I've discovered a meditation that one has to do with a partner. But it's pretty eh, personal. So I'm calling people I trust, asking them if they want to practice with me. You are the first.”

“Oh, how nice of you to think of me. But what's this meditation about?"

“It's called Orgasmic Meditation.”

The silence on the other side was long and deafening.

“All right,” he finally replied, “tell me a bit more about it.”

It was uncomfortable. But ultimately, it was also very nice and personal.

Turns out, that being open and sharing the things that are important to you gives a sense of connection. We never actually did the meditation together, but the friendship is still there.

The start of my OM practice was super exciting. The first step was the hardest. Although I have now been practicing for almost 4 years, opening the conversation remains as exhilarating as it was in the beginning. To be honest, I do not think that will ever go away, but it certainly does get easier!


Photo credit: Nine Kopfer

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