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A new kind of relationship

Updated: Apr 8, 2019

Dating coach Miia Koponen is one of the four panellists on the April London OM Community panel on sexuality and relationships - 'Opening up about relationships.'

According to Miia, creating relationships based on "choice" and "what feels right" for people as individuals is at the heart of the way she coaches her clients around dating, intimacy and relationships.

Read on to find out more about Miia's perspective and the ideas she will bring to the rich discussion on relationships planned for Thursday April 18th at Angelspace!

"We are surrounded by relationships of all kinds: with our friends, our neighbours, colleagues, parents, children, relatives, local shopkeepers, our hairdresser, our therapists, our GP, in-laws… the list goes on. We navigate all these different relationships differently.

The most energy we invest, however, is often on the relationships that we’ve been told are the most significant: the romantic kinds. Somehow the relationship with someone we find sexually attractive, together with the many other qualities we want to desire in them, becomes a priority above all the others. It can almost become an obsession, to be able to achieve that perfect, romance-laced, happily-ever-after relationship - to the extent of even losing our own identities. 

That’s what happened to me. When I was desperately trying to find a partner to define me, validate me and make me happy - I lost the grasp on who I really was. After a few years of inner work through meditation, yoga, therapy, I became much more comfortable, confident and happy with who I am. 

I feel content with the choices I have made and come to have peace with my life as it is today. I am in a great relationship - with myself. I have chosen to prioritise this relationship with self above all other relationships in my life because I know that it’s this one that will determine the kind of relationships I have with others, and most definitely define the kind of relationship I will have with a romantic partner! 

I am also embracing the fact that I don’t need to find that narrowly defined ‘marriage, two kids, happy-ever-after’ ideal because a) It’s not my ideal, b) we know that a lot of time it doesn’t work and c) I have a choice to make, I don’t need to make that choice based on other people’s expectations. 

Nor do you - will you dare to explore what it is that you want instead of trying to fit into what is expected of you?

This is at the very heart of my beliefs and philosophy - it’s about a personal, unique and independent choice we all are able to make with our dating, relationships and sex lives.

There is no right or wrong, there are options to explore and choose based on what feels right for you

What is also at the very core of my philosophy is Love.

To me love starts from you and only then can it grow to reach others. Love to me is about freedom, choice, respect, growth and communication.

It’s not about owning, clinging, or attachment to someone or something - this is what tends to be the underlying reflection of the heteronormative traditional monogamous relationships model.

To love and be loved is a universal desire we all have. I don’t believe however that the way we have been taught love should look like, especially in romantic settings (i.e. attachment, ownership and inequality) is the way that actually works for many of us long-term." - Miia Koponen

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